I talked to a lady recently who said her son's middle name was the same as my son's first name (which, I hope you assume, isn't really Titan). Titan's name isn't really trendy -- when he was born, one nurse simply assumed that he was named for his father, and was surprised to find out that we'd chosen it because we liked it. So when the lady told me that her son's first name is Grover, I felt a sinking feeling for that poor boy.
"I don't know why I did that," she added. "It was his father's name and his grandfather's name. But still."
It is in cases like that that I have sympathy for parents besieged by namer's remorse. I narrowly escaped it myself. If Dilly had been a boy, and if we'd gone with the boy name we'd chosen, I think I'd have had some moments of soul-searching to decide if this name was really one we could live with. The name was Emeth, which is the Hebrew word meaning "truth." It has a contemporary sound and a great meaning, but it's just a little too outside the lines to be comfortable. Fortunately we were spared the dilemma, and we'll probably stick to more mainstream names from now on.
All that said, I can't dredge up a lot of sympathy for the parents in this article. They aren't rescuing their children from burdensome or ill-considered names; they just changed their minds about what they liked. The only distinctive change was from Luke to Beckett, and even that has the same sound to it. As for the others, what's the difference between Emma and Caroline, Sophie and Isadora? It's like changing a red sweater for a green one: you still won't stand out in the holiday crowds.
I think many who read baby-name books take to heart the warning that we are doing an Important and Vital thing for our children by giving them names. So important and vital, in fact, that a bad choice can ruin their future careers, love life, and mental health. The pressure throws parents into a panic. Some get over it, decide on a good name, and learn to live with their choices. Others, however... well, let me just say, if you think choosing a name is tough, wait till you get to potty-training.
There are viable reasons for changing a child's name... I guess... but from the looks of it, there are simply a lot of parents who need to take deep breaths, relax, and realize that they are bringing forth a miracle of life who is, ultimately, just as ordinary as all the rest of us.
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5 comments:
I think a lot of time, it's embarrassment. The parents choose a name they feel is unusual and special, only to find that the name is EXTREMELY COMMON. They feel embarrassed, and upset to be "in the masses," and they want to change it.
I've wondered what I'd do if I didn't like one of my kids' names later on. I have one child with a name I consider overly common, and we've toyed over the years with the idea of giving him a nickname he can use instead. But I do still like the name, and we named him with eyes wide open, so I don't have true namer's remorse.
If I DID have it, I don't know WHAT I'd do. Like, if I genuinely disliked a name. I'm imagining a name I dislike, and now I'm imagining one of my children having that name through some mishap (allowing husband full control, for example).....and now I'm imagining possibly being willing to change it.
I think I'd probably go the nickname route, though. Or call him/her by his/her middle name. Less embarrassing.
"...a lot of THE time...," I mean. Or, "...a lot of times..." Or maybe I mean, "...sometimes..."
So I have three boys, Micah (Mike with an AH at the end) Noah and James. I picked out the first two names and their dad wouldnt allow me to use Ezra for the last one. So he was nameless for four days until I finally just gave up and went with James. I dont think I have ever used his real name though and I prefer to call him all sorts of things. Usually though, he is just Jamie which is a nice compromise on my part I think!
Im pregnant again and Im really hoping for a girl. There is really only one name that I like though so lets see how it all works out!
Welcome to the blogging community, btw
Hi. Came over from Swistle - reading your old posts. What about when you name your kid with a foreign name, and you like the name, but EVERYONE mispronounces it. And there's a simple and easier spelling change that would fix it. Do you think it warrants a name change then? The kids WHOLE LIFE they'll be saying No, it's not ___, it's ___. And if you change it, then they avoid that, but it's not really like you're changing their NAME, the name is still the same, still pronounced the same, still the same meaning, just easier to pronounce for the masses. Is it okay then?
And I don't know why I'm seeking a stranger's validation, but I agreed with what you wrote and I wondered what you thought about this (um...totally...hypothetical?) scenario.
Cherry -- Micah, Noah, and James are great names. Although I really like Ezra, I can see that it would be a stretch for most people (including husbands!). Jamie is a fun nickname and I think you've done very well with your compromise!
BRash -- Hmmm. That's a fun one to think on! My first reaction is NO! Keep the name as is! But then, I'm a name purist. It really depends on what the new spelling would look like: would it look like an Americanized form of the name, or would it look like you didn't know how to spell it? (I have a friend who spells her son's name Issac instead of Isaac, which looks simply misspelled to me.) Still, if you do change it, I'm willing to grant a dispensation because you want to make it more convenient, not just Less Common. (Wow! Prize to Mairzy for generosity!) My real name has been misspelled all my life, so I'm sympathetic!
I'm VERY curious to know the actual (um, hypothetical) name, if you are comfortable sharing it.
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